Under the Median: Three Things Your Laid Off Friend Needs from You

Like most families, we have been through our fair share of job changes. In February of 2007, my husband lost his job in a lay off. He hadn't done anything wrong. There simply wasn't enough work to go around.

I remember when he came home and broke the news to me. I was curiously calm. Maybe it was shock. Maybe it was faith. I really don't know.

I immediately enacted an "emergency budget". My husband agreed to do some free lance for the company who had let him go, wrapping up loose ends for them on current projects. He took every side job that came his way. He put in applications. We prayed together - a lot!

But, it was a few close friends who really helped us get through this difficult time. This post is about what they did that was so pivotal to our sense of well-being for the next three months.

1. They let us talk.

As much as we appreciated prayers - and we did - what really kept our spirits buoyed was the ability to talk to someone who wasn't going to give us "pat answers." Being laid off is not a "formula", guaranteeing you a shiny, new job if you just follow a prescribed pattern. I recall incredible frustration as Larry applied for positions, for which he was incredibly qualified, only to hear nothing from the company.

Our dear friends knew that sometimes we just needed to vent. They gave us non-judgemental space to do just that. We talked. They listened - really listened. It wasn't just polite nods. It was looking into our eyes and letting us know that our pain was their pain.

2. They brought practical gifts.

It was almost exactly 90 days from the time Larry lost his job until he began the next. Throughout that three month time span, those who knew us well, stopped by with practical gifts. Each was special and came at just the time when we needed an additional boost of self-confidence. Here is an idea of some of the items we received.

A gift certificate to a grocery store
A gift certificate for dinner out for the two of us
Free babysitting services
A big box of toilet paper, toothpaste, shampoo, or toiletries.
Help networking - talking to those within their sphere about possible job openings
Help writing Larry's resume - It had been a long time since he had looked for work
A special homecooked dinner at their home

3. They checked on us often.

I'm not saying that you want to live on someone's doorstep. But, after the initial outpouring of support, most people will go back to living their own lives. That's when it's important that you call and check in on your laid off friend.

Ask them open-ended questions.
Gauge their state of mind.
Do they need a break from the kids?
Do they need help sorting through options?
Do they need you to pray for them, meet with them, or just listen to them?
Don't press them for answers, which they might not have right now.
Rejoice when they rejoice.
Cry with them when they are sad.
Let them know that you will walk with them through this difficult time.

The end of the job search.

Three months nearly to the day after Larry was laid off, he began a new job. It paid a full 40% less than his previous position. I cut the budget accordingly and we were grateful to, once again, have a full-time income.

What about you?

Have you experienced a job loss? How did your friends help you through this difficult time? What is the number one thing you would tell others now about how to help someone in a similar position? Let us know in the comments section.