Under the Median: Three Important Lessons Learned While Remodeling My Bathroom

We recently remodeled our downstairs bathroom. After painstakingly saving up to pay cash, we encountered a quagmire of needing to choose sequentially less expensive product choices as we worked fervently to stay within our budget.

My beloved white Carrera marble tile gave way to less-expensive knock off hexagonal tiles. Then, as the cost of the shower replacement soared to over half of our budget, the knock-off marble was replaced with large sheets of faux-marble porcelain slabs.

The ceiling sloped, the floor was uneven, and not one wall formed a 90 degree angle. In short, the room was a mess! However, the finished product is attractive and meets my expectations far better than I ever thought it would when I wasn't getting what I thought I wanted.

So, why am I telling you this story?

Because, compromise and hard decisions are a part of every life. But, when you live under the median, they come your way a lot more often. When you are doing your best to put food on the table, a roof over your head, and shoes on your kids' feet, sometimes you can't always have everything you think you want.

So, what do you do when the "I-didn't-get-it-all" sadness strikes?

Lesson #1: Remember your goals.

One evening, while I was bemoaning the tile situation, my husband reminded me that we began with three stated goals for the room:

1. Get rid of the ugly, worn, stained carpet.

New gray floor tile from Lowe's!

2. Replace the duct-taped shower.

3. Update the original 1958 stool, which used about 6 gallons of water per flush and often had to be flushed twice to get all the debris to go down.

I'd say we met all three goals! Thankfully, the final product is not at all unpleasant to look at either.

When the blues hit, you have to remember what is most important. Whether it's despising your 1980's blue and white checked sofa or wishing that your basement walls were not adorned in ugly, brown paneling, you need to remember your goals.

Sometimes, it's remembering that you are sacrificing to get out of debt. It may be remembering that you have a savings account started to replace that couch and in just 12 short months, you can begin visiting furniture stores.

Regardless of the situation, often a crash course reminder of our goals is just the ticket to "reset" our mindset and drive away the doldrums.

Lesson #2: Listen to your advisors!

I drove my husband crazy during the entire remodel process. I dissolved into tears every time we had to make a new decision. I was so tired of having to make changes, that I began to view every potential change as disastrous. I was convinced that it was going to look horrid. I even forbid him from putting any photos on Facebook.

What I didn't realize was that the products being recommended by the construction team had advantages, which I was refusing to even consider. The square tiles were easier to fit and cut, saving us money on installation costs. The large porcelain slabs on the wall gave it an unbelievably elegant look, unbroken by too many grout lines. Even the light gray wall paint (my husband's choice) gave the room a much softer look than my first choice of white.

By being unwilling to listen to what others were saying, I was putting myself in a position of getting what I thought I wanted, but being much less satisfied with the end result.

Lesson #3: Count your blessings.

About half way through the remodel, I began to contemplate what it would be like to live with plumbing which backs up on a daily basis or a bathroom with a non working toilet or a home with holes in the flooring (necessitating that one sits gingerly on the pot for fear that it will fall through to the basement). Right now, there are people in my city, living in housing, which should have been condemned long ago and a landlord who refuses to do anything to remedy the situation.

I know one of these tenets personally. (Don't worry! After years of angst, she is moving.) Now she has reason to be upset about her bathroom!

When I put the myriad of setbacks and decisions into a new perspective, suddenly I felt more grateful for what I did have! My situation didn't change - just my attitude.

I first learned this lesson 20 years ago, I was struggling with depression. My second-born son was eight months old and still having problems with nursing. Keeping up with two boys was leaving this mom sleep deprived, cranky, and more than mildly frustrated on a daily basis.

My husband came home from work one day with a dry erase board. Using small magnets, he attached it to my fridge.

Turning to me, he said, "Honey, you are basing your entire day on one or two frustrating events that happen. Your perception is skewed, because you are only looking at the negative. I want you to write down three amazing, cute, or funny things the boys do every day on this board. Then, when I get home, we'll begin by looking at the positive, instead of the negative. It will change the way you view your day. "

He was right! The ebb and flow of my days didn't really change that much, but within a short period of time my perception was transformed.

When the daily grind of your "uber-frugal-counting-every-penny-and-pinching-every-dime" life begins to set your teeth on edge, then try writing down things for which you are thankful. A gratitude journal or dry erase board may very well energize you and give you hope to keep going!